Refusing to Remain Black

The black box. What is the black box exactly? The black box is a concept that refers to any sort of system in which one can observe the inputs and outputs, the stimuli and responses, however, the inner workings of the system are unknown. As the observer we are ignorant as to how the system works and are thus only able to examine what is done and the reactions that result. We are left guessing as to the hows and the whys and have to base our assumptions on what we can observe. The process itself is black.  

The human mind is often described as the black box. We use this metaphor as a way to explain our actions and behaviors that we don’t understand, don’t want to understand, or are perhaps taught not to understand. We go about our daily lives reacting to our surroundings without really ever recognizing why. It may be that we believe it is too complicated to analyze, deem it as unimportant, or don’t even realize what we are doing. And for most of us we manage our lives in this way, in the black. But what happens when we face hardships?  What happens when we find ourselves in unfamiliar surroundings and can no longer gauge our behavior? When we are tested? How are we able to manage through these times? How do we react when we find ourselves in crisis? Where do we begin to make changes if everything is black?

Living in Granada I find myself in such a crisis.  I turned 30 (yes I know still young), made the decision to change careers, move half way across the world to a different culture with a different language, leave loved ones, and live truly by myself for the first time. I frequently stop to ask myself, “What the hell was I thinking?” And the truth is, sometimes I don’t know.  But the decision is made, and I do believe I made the right step, albeit a challenging one, towards building a better future for myself.  So now what I’ve realized is that the more pressing question is not what was I thinking but what am I thinking?  And not only what but how and why?

Because what I’m realizing is that this step is more than difficult; clearly this comes as no surprise. But there is something about being so far away, in the quiet of your own apartment, left alone to deal with your own emotions, that really sheds light on how you think and behave. It truly calls into question, what is going on in our little black box? Therefore I challenge myself to understand and address the way I perceive certain situations. Why do I wake up thinking negatively and how can I change that into a positive?  What do I need to do to prepare myself for any given day of the week? What motivates me? What angers me? What calms me? And why? If my behavior is not mechanical, how can I exert control over how I act or how I react? And maybe the most important, how do I create new ways of thinking?  

How do I manage through this personal crisis?

I refuse to remain black.              
             

** Blog post inspired by Professor José Bimbela with his lectura “Yo CONmigo” and all my classmates who encouraged me with their new ways of thinking. Below is a list of some of their thoughts:

Gimnasio emocional: Una práctica diaria
¿Has sonreído hoy?
Por todos mis compañeros, y por mi primero
Hoy no es tan mal, mañana menos
Las llaves de la felicidad
La utopía es posible mientras caminamos hacia ella
Tu propones, yo decido
28 días para un día mejor
La lucha contra el miedo